The Night Watchmen(2017)
2017 · Mitchell Altieri · 90 min
Three inept night watchmen, aided by a young rookie and a fearless tabloid journalist, fight an epic battle to save their lives. A mistaken warehouse delivery unleashes a horde of hungry vampires, and these unlikely heroes must not only save themselves but also stop the scourge that threatens to take over the city of Baltimore.
Comedy · Horror
5.0145 votes
TMDB score
2/5
Intensity
3/5
Gore
1/5
Stays with you
How The Night Watchmen scares
The Night Watchmen leans hard into goofy, over-the-top comedy rather than real scares, using its vampire threat mostly as an excuse for slapstick action and splattery gags. The pace is quick and silly, with fights and chases standing in for tension, so don't expect any slow dread or genuine unease. Blood and creature effects show up often but in a cartoonish, played-for-laughs way rather than anything upsetting. This is a good pick if you want a lighthearted monster movie to laugh through with friends, not something that will actually creep you out.
On The Horror Database's 0–5 scare profile, The Night Watchmen rates psychological 1/5, visceral 3/5, gore 3/5, lingering effect 1/5, and overall intensity 2/5.
- Psychological: 1 of 5
- Visceral: 3 of 5
- Gore: 3 of 5
- Lingering: 1 of 5
- Intensity: 2 of 5
Slow burn vs Jump scares: 45 of 100 — balanced
Supernatural vs Real-world: 10 of 100 — leans Supernatural
Fun-scary vs Disturbing: 10 of 100 — leans Fun-scary
Intensity over runtime
Shape only — no eventsReveal pacing shapeHide pacing shapeHidden by default — shows where the tension peaks and lets up.
A goofy, slow-to-start comedy that gradually piles on chaotic, action-heavy mayhem before a frantic climax and a quick wind-down.
Intensity across the runtime, 0 to 100: 1, 1, 2, 2, 3, 3, 3, 4, 4, 4, 5, 3.
How scary is The Night Watchmen?
On The Horror Database's 0–5 intensity scale, The Night Watchmen rates 2/5 — moderately scary, balancing creeping dread with well-placed shocks. It attacks the body more than the mind — physical, in-your-face horror. Expect it to be moderately gory and fun-first. The dread fades once the credits roll.
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